I tend to take today for granted. I crawl out of bed, I don't jump out of bed, well rarely. I sludge through the day. Enjoying the idea that work is going to end at some point but not soon enough. Why don't I appreciate the day for what it's worth. Realizing that we only have so many to play with.
My week has been interesting. My girlfriend Christina went home to Indiana on Monday and I had 2 weeks of time to myself. I'd say that most guys would jump at that chance. Especially if you enjoy your "alone" time. I'd even say that some adore their free time away from their significant other. Well at the least it's been a week of introspection and God-seeking.
I've realized a lot about myself in the last week. I've realized that I was using the idea of "having a girlfriend" around which can be time consuming just by the very nature of it, often as an excuse to be lazy. When I got free time during the week or the weekend if she was working or something I'd make up an excuse to veg in front of the TV. "I mean I deserve it right?!" is just an example of one of my thought processes and shoot, I had to fight that urge just a little earlier today. Even though I have a ton to do and get organized and I was really looking forward to the process of cleaning some stuff up and getting some personal projects working. I still almost found a way to sit on the couch and veg. Where is this default way of thinking coming from? I know part of this has stemmed from what I saw my dad do for years and years. I mean "Those Yankees games won't watch themselves, right?" But I can't blame my relatives for decisions that I make every day. God has called us to so much more and if our parents were our excuse to not do things in life, then why not waste my life away, what good is doing anything unless it's for my pleasure?
Another thing I learned about myself was how I haven't been living with enough purpose lately. And in a lot of ways I was bringing Christina down with me. Not to say she isn't able to live for God without my help, but to lead in a relationship is to take the reigns on things when it seems like they're going astray and bring the topic up between us, so we can work things out in a fashion that honors and glorifies God. I definitely hadn't been doing that. I haven't been communicating well at all.
So the goal of this post was not to rant necessarily but to show anyone who could be reading this what's been going on in this mind of mine and ask for prayer in moving forward in a way that honors God. I have no interest in just talking about these things but actually doing something about them.
Thanks for reading.
Through Christ,
Matt Gavenda
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